I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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