Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
