dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
