Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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