i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
