I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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