coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
