We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
