I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
