You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
