Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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