If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
