I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
