We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize