Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize