I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
