New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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