So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
