dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Your penis caused this!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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