you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
