Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Farmville is her only friend.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
