we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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