everyone is single if you try hard enough
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
