dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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