I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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