Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
