THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
