I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
