As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
