So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
