If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Let's get the cat blown out
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