Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
