Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
