The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
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