How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
