Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
