I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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