maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
