Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
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Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
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Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
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