He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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