my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
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