Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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