my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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