he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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