He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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