I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
