i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
