I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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