Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
