First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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