what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
