i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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