living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My vagina is officially offended.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
