My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
