I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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