Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He shit in the fireplace
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
