dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
