Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
