Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
