bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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