she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
