i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize