this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
