Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
