what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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