I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
