I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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