Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
