I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
