YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
