I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
