I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
