"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
sex in a hospital.. check
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
