think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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